laura !

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
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first night as a vampire warlord i turn my five most loyal men into vampires as well but they dont know what that means and they go out during the day so now i have none of my five most loyal men

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second night as a vampire warlord i turn my sixth to tenth most loyal men into vampires but i give them a crash course so they dont die stupidly like the last ones

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third night as a vampire warlord we prepare for the battle but forget we're allergic to christianity so we have to reschedule the battle because we all got sore throats trying to sing bogurodzica

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fourth night as a vampire warlord we change our attack plans and also comission some more edgy armor because the normal one reflects too much light

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fifth night as a vampire warlord we finally go to battle and we win only because the enemy mistook a swarm of normal bats for our attack and got rabies

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sixth night as a vampire warlord we celebrate our victory with a bloodfeast but it turns out sigismund gets a stomachache when the victim isnt specifically a red-haired maiden and he makes the whole party go to shit

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seventh night as a vampire warlord i find out sigismund wasn't a vampire and was actually just sick when he tried to drink blood with the rest of us so i get angry and impale him

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eight night as a vampire warlord sigismund is still alive because none of his vital organs got stabbed through and i start feeling kinda bad for him but i cant show it or i lose all my authority so i ask my seventh most loyal man to kill him

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ninth night as a vampire warlord we move camp further into the enemy's country but it's raining and i actually kind of like the ambiance but my horse breaks a leg in the mud so i turn it into a vampire horse

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tenth night as a vampire warlord my vampire horse started biting other horses but wasnt turning them into more vampire horses so now we have no horses and have to stop and loot a village but their horses kind of suck

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eleventh night as a vampire warlord we start moving again with our new shitty horses that i carefully turned into vampire horses but theyre still not so good and its honestly getting on everyones nerves

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twelfth night as a vampire warlord. things get a little gay

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libraford

Once you start thinking about humans as a species in a biome, it affects your entire way of looking at normal things.

The other day I referred to female morning joggers as an 'indicator species' in that if you see women jogging in the dark it means that the environment provides migration pathways (sidewalks, clear signs) and doesn't have any known predators of female morning joggers (guy with knife, bear, BigTruck, male morning joggers).

Though, I think that people consider framing humans as animals reacting to their environment as rude.